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The Have and The Havenots – Why You Need to Stay in Your Lane

When I mention ‘The Have and Havenots I’m not making reference to the hit show. I’m speaking more on the toxic world that social media can become when you focus on the ‘Explore’ option on Instagram and compare your life to others. It is such a damaging thing and can really knock your confidence.

I write this from a deep, true place because not so long ago I fell down this trap and began to knock my accomplishments and not acknowledge what I have achieved because I was too busy seeing others living a life that I believed I should have had by now.


I felt that I had continually worked on numerous projects; never truly reaping the rewards of my labour. I began to3 hate my life and was caught up ‘watching’ the lives of YouTubers and other online celebrities; wishing my life could be better.


What I can honestly say is that I overcame this consuming way of thinking last year. I won’t go into details as to what happened for me to feel this way but I know that this negative way of thinking completely dragged me down. I didn’t recognise myself or where I was going and I was truly frightened because I didn’t recognise myself. I had accomplished so many things in my life that others would love to have achieved. Yet, because I wasn’t travelling to nice countries on a daily basis and documenting it online; I didn’t see myself as successful at all.


I compared my relationships to the ones I saw online and as a result they failed. I became deeply depressed by life and was totally consumed with all my ‘have not’s and not on my haves.


However, I began to adopt a different mind-set. Something bad happened to me which affected my self-esteem and confidence and it forced me to re-evaluate my life and how destructive I had become. I was always able to empower and inspire others to live a more fulfilled life and I was very good at encouraging others to do better and have better but I neglected myself and my needs.


I can proudly say now however that I have been able to turn this around 360 degrees. The reason?


I implemented 5 key action points in my life and was able to go back to who I was before. More vitally; I was able to maintain this positive way of thinking. Of course, like anyone I have bad days and low moods. Though, I never allow the mood to stay low for too long. I now no longer look at Instagram and compare my life and successes to others. At last; I am at that point where I am mentally in a good place and I am completely in my own lane. I now know, no matter how long it takes; I will reach/attain the level of success I want but most importantly I will achieve it on my own terms.


Check out my Top 5 action points that have helped me to stay focused and positive. Hopefully you can take something from them to and become more of a person that is concerned with haves and not havenots.


  1. Truly examine the image you’re seeing, what is it ACTUALLY telling you?

When it comes to Social Media, as much as it is real life and in real time much of what you see is contrived and set up to create the best looking image for their desired audience. You may look at the beautiful white rooms and interior design, or the beautiful flowers on display, or the flawless wardrobe with the clothing perfectly set up garments all in colour order. The thing is, even the flawless images of bloggers, vloggers and other social media influencers have been set up and they have prepped themselves hours before to take the perfect image.


The image you put out there of yourself is under your control and you have the power to ensure that what everyone sees is the image you choose. There is no need to look at an image and become jealous about what you see. You don’t know what lengths were taken to take the picture and you shouldn’t ever get caught up by aesthetics. When it comes to social media; there are no mistakes and no accidents.



  1. Learn to respect their process

We have all seen social media profiles that are to die for and I’m sure you’ve looked at an individual’s page and wished you had what they had. The important thing you need to do at this time is respect their grind and respect the process they have taken to get to where they are. You have no idea what these people have had to endure to get from A-B. In their personal lives they may have had to overcome a vast amount of adversities. Do not allow yourself to become jealous of an individual who has put in the hours and the endless work to get to where you see them now.


  1. Some people will always have it easier than you

I remember a number of years ago, the Hilton Heiress Paris Hilton stated that she was living the ‘American dream’. To many, this was the ultimate insult as Paris had no real right to take this title as living the American Dream relates to those who have started from the bottom and have worked hard to attain a level of great success. It is often perpetuated by the media that we should look up to and be inspired by individuals like The Kardashians and The Jenner’s. However, in all honesty; they may have attained individual success but they have been given a platform to grow from. They have no genuine idea of what it means to come from the bottom because they just haven’t been there. Accept that they may have the life you want but where do you rate on the starting blocks? What head start have you been given that could even possibly equate to where they start on the road to success. Show yourself a little more respect and understand that everything you achieve is not down to who you know but by your own merits, determination and talent.



  1. Enjoy the journey

You may look at the social media profiles of others and wish it was you but by doing that you’re taking the shine off your own profile. You have the control to create a life for yourself that is authentic and true to you. Take the attention you put onto others and apply it to creating a platform you can feel proud of. As much as we may think; no one is an overnight success. It takes time and a whole heap of effort to build a successful online profile and if that is something you look at others and want to emulate then turn your full attention to your own path and watch the progress unfold.



  1. Realise there’s more to life

We live in a time where social media has become a massive part of our day to day life and it is easy to fall down the trap of allowing it to affect the way you live your life. Embrace the idea of ‘mindfulness’ and live in the moment. Practise creating memories with the people you love and try not to share it online. Work on creating a life offline, focus on your goals realise that there is more to life than receiving the adoration and acknowledgement of people you don’t actually know. Creating the life, you desire is undoubtedly an inside job and one that should take place offline and outside the view of others.


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