Reinvention isn’t fun. I will start this by stating that. 2018 hasn’t been fun either. New beginnings should be scary and unsettling but in the midst of all that, they should be fun and exciting too. I’m just not finding that. Instead, I’m finding I have anxiety now. One minute I’m fine, reviewing my new goals, starting them and then simultaneously smashing them. The next I’m paralysed by doubt and intolerable levels of stress. I couldn’t breath the other day and that wasn’t a nice feeling. It had happened before, but this time was slightly worse. I was however able to snap out of it but I’m realising more and more that I can be my own worst enemy in these cases because I know I can make things happen; turn them around. I just keep thinking about the times I failed miserably at doing just that; turning things around and everything positive and good goes down the drain.
That’s why I know I have to keep pushing forward with this. I’ve started to incorporate new habits, including a new fitness discipline which I’m studying, planning and developing a new business venture and expanding and growing my personal brand plus a few other things. I’m completely redeveloping who I was a few months ago and to put it bluntly; starting from scratch. I’m changing the way I dress, the way I do my hair, experimenting with my makeup, making time for reading, I’m creating a brand new version of myself and it’s scary because it is forcing me to come face to face with the mistakes and wrong turns I took to get into the space to begin with. It’s a painful process but in order to really be happy and to develop a love for life like I used to have, I need to destroy and rebuild.
I used to think you had to have a mid-life crisis to make drastic change but sometimes all you need is a crisis in general to force you to look deeply and hard at yourself and those around you. I thought starting again would bean exciting prospect but mixed with that is a vast amount of doubt. Of course, it hasn’t been all bad but the feelings of past regrets weigh heavily down on me and make the process that more difficult.
Nonetheless, your girl is changing and growing and becoming stronger and more determined by the minute. Yes, I have bad days and moments when it all feels impossible. But I’m happy to say, most days I feel able to become the version of myself I need to be to make my life happier and more fulfilled. Reinvention isn’t fun, in fact it’s bloody difficult. However, I can already see the benefits and no matter how many more days of trials I have ahead, I’m committed to keep on keeping on with the pursuit to become a more redefined and more amazing version of myself; one day at a time.
About my outfit..
I’ve become much more bold in my outfit choices and have found that I like to experiment with different prints and designs. I fell in love with the pants from Primark which was a snip at £13 and is from their current collection. The way it fit’s my body is a dream and I love the soft silk material. The top is an oldie from Ebay but I love how much it compliments this top. It was important to wear a more tighter fit top, particularly in a dark colour so the trousers popped more!
The amazing emerald green tassel earrings are from my favourite market ‘Roman Road’ in East London. I honestly don’t know why people sleep on markets, the gems you can pick up from them are amazing and you really get a lot for your coins!
My heels are from Ego Official and can still be picked up from their Perspex heel collection. They’re actually pretty comfortable and complimented this look far better than a black strappy would have. My sassy bag is from Kurt Geiger and I absolutely love the petiteness of it and the gold detailing. A perfect fit for my overall look.
I managed to film a mini look book of this and two other looks so look out for my separate post on this.