I had never become so depressed before, it was a new feeling. Yes, there were days when I didn’t feel positive or upbeat but never had I been so low that I wanted to not eat, leave the house, socialise or undertake the simplest of tasks. June 2015 was when my life was hit with a sharp shock. What happened was partly my fault, but I wouldn’t wish what happened to me on my biggest enemy.
I was physically and mentally ill, I no longer cared about myself and I never wanted to be alive anymore. How deep is that? You can be the most positive human being in the world but incidents can take place where you’re left feeling knocked for six.
I remember walking towards a large wall and somehow; even though it was much taller than me, I managed to climb on top of it and stare over the edge.
I just wanted to erase all that had been, draw a line under it and move forward and while I watched the waves ripple along the water, I imagined how quickly it could all be stopped.
I heard a voice, I’m unsure of where it came from but it told me to think about my actions and to not allow this unfortunate circumstance to shape my life.
Things were unfair and I may have lost a lot, but I could either choose to be a victim or choose to be the victor of my story. I decided to choose the latter.
As I type this, I think of what could have been had I not taken the time to look deep within myself and know that I did have a purpose, much greater than myself.
So as I battle with the lows and embrace the highs, I am more aware than ever that I am stronger than I once was and I may have a few dents and bruises but nothing is more powerful than battle scars.
If you’re reading this, I want you to know that you can overcome anything and everything. We all have bad days but that doesn’t have to equate to a bad life. That was one moment in time and it is one that I will not allow to make or break me. I am complete.